Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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