i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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