At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
