On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
