the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
