Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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