$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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