My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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