you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
