how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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