dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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