apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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