just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
