I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
