I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
