Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
