MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You don't make any sense
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