He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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