Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
