So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I could make wine with my vomit
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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