i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
