So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
