I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
