I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
