You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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