ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
