I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He shit in the fireplace
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
