I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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