the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
