I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
