THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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