if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
