see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
