The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
