Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
