Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She needs sedatives and a leash
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
