I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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