what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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