he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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