She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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