No, drunk sperm still make babies.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
