Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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