Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Randomize
