So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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