He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he told me I talked like a deaf person
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My liver just had a heart attack.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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