All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
