My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
