Having a random hookup so left but love u
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
