Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
