I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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