Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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