so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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