I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
