I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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